The People That Dink Together
My first time was in June of 2019…
I had just moved down to Wake Forest, NC, and was invited by some friends to go play Pickleball. At that point, I had never even heard of the game. I had low expectations, especially because of the name, and as they explained the rules. Then … we started to play. Six years later, Pickleball is competing for my favorite sport. The quick pace, strategy, and hand-eye coordination are all elements that have attracted me to this beautiful game. But there is one thing about this game that I love more than anything else … the impact of a partner. Some will make you feel like you are on top of the world and can beat anyone. Others will make you feel like everyone can beat you! Both are true … so what makes a good partner? I’m glad you asked … Here are my top five traits of a dynamic Pickleball partner!
1. Unconditional Affirmation
The absolute worst partners are those whose acceptance and encouragement are based upon your performance. When it's good, it's great, but when it's bad, or you’ve made a series of mistakes, they give you the cold shoulder. There is a ten-foot wall that has been built of ice standing between you and them. They don’t acknowledge you, they doubt you, and have lost faith in your ability. Often, our words have the power to speak into existence the future of someone's life, for better or worse. If my mouth has that kind of power, then what would keep me from constant encouragement and affirmation? Well, if you want real, what keeps me from thinking of them is that I am too busy thinking about me.
Sam Crabtree, a Pastor, wrote, “When our mouths are empty of praise for others, it's because our hearts are filled with love for ourselves.” If our words have power, and they do, then use them to build a fortress of protection around the insecurity or negative thoughts of someone you are going into battle with. I don’t want my teammates losing heart in moments I need them to fight. Trust me, it takes a lot of effort! You will talk WAY MORE than you probably want to. But I would argue that some of my greatest victories on the Pickleball court have been because I refused to let someone else give up on themselves or the belief that we could still win this game. A great Pickleball partner is quick to praise, generous in encouragement, and unconditional in their affirmation.
2. Clear, Honest, and Kind Communication
If the ball is evidently hit to my side of the court, there is no confusion as to whose job it is to retrieve it. When and if a mistake is made, we know exactly who bears the weight of the responsibility. This, however, becomes murky when the ball is hit, hey diddle diddle, right down the middle. This shot now impacts both players, and unless there is clear communication, the opponent will continue to do this until the other team learns to figure out what needs to happen or they will continue to get their butt kicked.
Some people may think they are great communicators (we never have a problem thinking highly of our own abilities), but that is subject to the one who is receiving, not the one giving. There are, from my calculations, three helpful tools for EFFECTIVE communication.
a. Clear - We don’t have time to grab a maple bar, drink some tea, and talk about our feelings, at least on the Pickleball battlefield. GET TO THE POINT. Say what needs to be said quickly, without any fog or confusion in what you are about to say. And for heaven’s sake, say it like like you mean it. Mumbling, or sharing under your breath, makes what you need to say all the more confusing. Speak with clarity. Get to the point with volume and enthusiasm.
b. Honest - We think by withholding the truth, we are being “compassionate,” when I believe withholding the truth is actually cruel, as we are allowing someone to continue in a destructive pattern. If I have a teammate who is constantly hitting the ball before it bounces, I have a choice to make. The risk of being disliked by my teammate and losing the game, OR being honest with them so they can get better, and we won’t have to lose as badly to an 83-year-old grandmother named Penny who wears leopard spotted leggings. (I can neither confirm nor deny that this has happened to me)
c. Kind - Ah, yes, this one changes the game for our alpha truth tellers. If you are RIGHT in what you had to say, but you are WRONG in the way you said it, then you, my friend, are not being an effective communicator. The teacher has not taught until the student has learned. You can tell an Indian taxi driver a hundred times which flightline you are traveling to, but if you don’t learn how to say it in his language, you might as well start barking like a dog. (I can neither confirm nor deny that this has also happened in my life) Wait for it … most people will reject your truth if you ignore their feelings. So, learn how to tell someone the truth in a way they look forward to hearing it.
3. Capability
If you want to succeed, you’ll need a partner who doesn’t hold you back. Same race, same pace. This isn’t being mean (just honest) that some people you play with are not going to have the capability to perform at the level you need them to be at. In Pickleball, as in life, if you want to operate at a high level of impact, you must have a teammate who can handle their business at a level that gives you freedom to not have to worry about them doing their job. There is nothing sweeter on the courts than a partner you know is competent to perform and bring home victories. A good partner will make you twice the player you are or half the player you are capable of being.
4. Focused on the Greater Purpose
I have had partners who were more focused on their shoes, their paddle, or the girl they wanted to talk to after the game. Dude … The partner I want is the one who is focused on the task, we are aligned in our priorities (victory), and are willing to take responsibility no matter what, if it means we can win the game. Teammates focused on the greater purpose are not sensitive to feedback, divided attention, or worried about what others may think. They are one CREW and one SCREW working together for a common goal. Distractions, more times than not, keep people from performing to their highest potential. But when two people are ready to work, sweat, take responsibility, and humbly receive coaching without taking it personally, that is a team that is focused on the great purpose … to dink their way to Pickle glory!
5. A Fighting Spirit
I’ve seen too much in my life and in the life of competition to ever believe that I am out of any fight. I refuse to believe that the game is over or that a miracle can’t be done. How does this impact me on the courts? I treat every point with care, concern, and giving it my best because I know that over time, with a correct mindset, there will be rewards to the soul that stays constant. Winston Churchill said, “Success is moving from failure to failure without losing heart.” If you do not give up, and you determine that in your heart, I’ve seen that mentality break down my opponents. They didn’t have the stamina to endure a Niagara Falls of relentless resolve, hope, and the willingness to fight until their very last breath. A good partner NEVER believes that they are out of the fight or don’t have a chance. You will win more games than you thought you ever could if you just believe that deep within the caves of your existence, YOU AREN’T DEAD YET.
This was mostly about Pickleball, but the more I look at it, yeah, I guess you could make a strong argument for choosing your partners in life as well.
HAPPY DINKING
